MEXICO, NY – “This is bullshit,” says the Mayor of Mexico NY after a leaked script for President Trump’s speech hit the internet stating that Mexico NY will have to foot the bill for the Southern Border Wall.

It may come as a surprise to most residents of the small New York town but this was the plan all along.

The Inner Loop Blog analyzed all of Donald Trump’s rallies leading up to the 2016 election and when he asks his crowd “who’s going to pay for the wall” and they would respond “MEXICO!” you can see Mr. Trump whispering “New York” into the microphone in the background.

ROCHESTER, NY – Rochester media professionals were shocked today to find that local meteorologist Daniel Stormy had been fired from his position at a prominent news station after accidentally letting slip a 100% accurate forecast LIVE on-air last weekend.

“It’s a rule in weather broadcasting that you never actually give a truly accurate prediction, it sets a bad precedent,” said Meteorologist Professor Tim Raines. “People will expect you to be accurate all the time. It’s a real hassle.”

Mr. Raines went on the tell The Inner Loop Blog that behind the scenes, weathermen and weatherwomen are able to predict weather up to a year in advance with pinpoint accuracy but only share the information with there closest relatives.

“They fired Stormy to keep that secret so don’t tell anyone I told you that, definitely don’t put this on your stupid blog” he continued.

ROCHESTER, NY – “He’s simply been sublime. The performance of a lifetime! It’s great that he’s getting recognition for this incredible work” said Sister Mary Catherine who is in charge of this year’s Nativity Play at Rochester’s St. Tony’s Episcopal Chruch & Hots.

“All week he’s been eating grass, going to the bathroom outside, and his mother told me she found him in the bathroom shaving his entire body, At first I thought, man this kid is a bit special but then I realized he’s a method actor. He’s been in Sheep #2 character this entire month.”

Skylar will face stiff competition at this year’s Tony’s, but the 5-year-old has told The InnerLoop Blog that he hopes to win it, unlike “that big fat stinky-butt” John Lithgow, a fellow Rochester thespian, who has only been nominated for a Tony and never won “like a big old poopy pants.”

ROCHESTER, NY – Tom from Webster decided the outdoor skating rink at Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Park would be the perfect spot to take a Tinder first date. Having a year of peewee hockey under his belt, he felt confident he would impress the stranger from the internet with his skating skills. He was wrong.

After one pass around the ice, his legs looked as if he was a newborn giraffe, and his ankles looked like they were made of rubber. He tried to make one too many corrections and went down hard on the ice directly on his tailbone. In an effort to save face he told the Tinderella he was fine even though his ass now felt like a grenade went off in his pants.

The only thing colder than the ice at the public skating rink is the medical grade ice pack underwear Tom will have to wear for the next three months to reduce the swelling on his shattered ass.

ROCHESTER, NY – The newspaper business is booming again! The Democrat and Chronicle made the switch from printing on the industry standard thin paper made from a combination of recycled matter and wood pulp to two-ply toilet paper.

“It’s perfect. I get to read the news on the toilet like I usually do and I get to wipe my butt with the bad news,” said Tommy Bergeron of Penfield. “Honestly, it’s nice to not have to do the Wegmans run to get more toilet paper now. It’s just delivered to my door at 4:00am by the most depressed guy I’ve ever seen.”

“It’s going to save the world,” says Climate Change Expert Dr. Jennifer Greenhousen. “Instead of printing so much wasteful paper, this switch to Doo-Doo News is now printing the news on something that is easily biodegradable.”

ROCHESTER, NY – Hanukkah may be over but the miracles haven’t stopped yet. A local restaurant is making headlines after the owner tweeted out that he has been using the same deep fryer oil for the past 8 years.

“It gives the hashbrowns their distinct charred-ass flavor that our drunkest patrons have come to love” said Yanno Steffonwolfupulplos the owner.

ROCHESTER, NY – A Rochester election day tradition was brought to a halt today after a man was caught placing a Hello Kitty sticker on Susan B Anthony’s grave.

Women from all over Rochester to pay tribute to the late great suffragist by placing their “I Voted” sticker on her grave. However, Dan Derfden of Penfield ruined the tradition by placing a huge Kello Kitty sticker on her tombstone.

Police tell The Innerloop Blog that Mr. Derfden thought that people were just “showing off their most valuable stickers” and brought his favorite to Mount Hope Cemetary to show off his sweet collection.

He will be charged with cemetery desecration in the first degree and national landmark sacrilege.

ROCHESTER, NY – It’s fall which means sweaters, pumpkin spice, and seasonal depression. However, The Innerloop Blog’s business insiders are saying autumn’s new hottest trend is young couples unknowingly becoming slave labor.

“The boss gathered all of the seasonal farmers one day and told us to go home and never come back,” said migrant farmhand George Millsbeard.

Several of Rochester’s biggest apple farms are now completely reliant on the unpaid work of couples picking apples on Instagram.

“From a business standpoint, Instagram is the best thing to happen to our dividends since sharecropping!” said a local apple farm owner who wanted to remain anonymous. “We noticed that while these kids are trying to take the perfect picture, they’re plucking apples at the same clip our best field workers. So what we did was just harness their DO IT FOR THE GRAM energy and sell their runoff apples.”

The farm owner says his profits are at an all-time high and that the hashtag #ApplePicking has been the best recruitment tool since illegal immigration and Home Depot parking lots.

Rochester, NY – Stormy Daniels may have ruined Toad for everyone but now Mike Pence’s ex-lovers are going to ruin even more of your childhood.

Anonymous sources are saying his penis looks exactly like the Grandpa from Hey Arnold!

“It got as stiff as his face,” said one woman who is currently working on Men In Black style mind erasing technology to blackout the memory.

Macedon, NY – Frank Toofen was reunited with his family today after spending the last 42 years stuck inside of the Amazing Maize Maze.

Mr. Toofen originally went into the maze with his family but quickly got separated from his group. His family made it through the maze, and in their excitement, completely forgot about their Uncle Frank.

“We decided that he was probably passed out drunk in the maze and left him to teach him a lesson” said Barbara Toofen his sister.

“I was.” Mr. Toofen told The Inner Loop Blog.

After hours of trying to find the way out, Frank stated hitting his flask hard, and when it got dark, he decided to sleep a little, and get a fresh start in the morning. But that’s when it got weird.

There has been a debate in Rochester whether the maze is completely man-made or if it is an extraterrestrial anomaly. Mr. Toofen can officially confirm it is the latter.

“So I laid down to take a nap and that’s when I saw a bright light. It blinded me for a second and then I could see a bunch of aliens with hedge clippers adding new twists and turns to the maze.

In my amazement, I stepped on a big old piece of corn and shrieked in pain. The aliens spotted me and next thing I know, I am on a spaceship, being probed every which way, tube in my mouth, little alien hands rubbing me all over the place.” said Frank Toofen.

For the next 20 years, Frank Toofen would spend his days being experimented on by Aliens. The corn maze creating Aliens seemed to know little about the human culture. For example, they thought corn was the only food the people could eat. “They just fed me corn everything. Corn chips, cornbread, grits, polenta, tortillas, cereal, and whiskey. It was f***ing awesome!”

Just as the old saying goes, ‘time flies when you’re getting probed’ and for seemingly no reason Frank eventually found himself back inside the amazing maize maze. “They must have just got tired of putting things in my butt. Just like my first marriage!” Frank told The Innerloop Blog.