Local Kickball Player On A Diet Drinks A Dozen White Claws Instead of a 30-Rack Of Beer During Game

Rochester, NY – Kenny Portsmen of the Rochester Kickball team “Ball, Sweat, & Tears” announced to his team at today’s game that he was working on his summer bod and decided to make the switch to White Claw instead of his regular 30-Rack of Gennys.

“Gotta get that summer bod” Kenny told The InnerLoop Blog even though we didn’t ask.

He also told us that he will be continuing his diet at the bar by only eating the cheese off the top of the free pizza the sponsor provides. “No carbs! Keto bro!”

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Democrat & Chronicle Merges With The News Wing Of Ontario Video & News

Ontario, NY – Hoping to attract a new audience, the Democrat & Chronicle has announced plans to acquire the news wing of Ontario Video & News (OVN).

OVN is the adult entertainment store on Route 104 specializing mostly in porn and adult toys. However, they also have a hard-hitting investigative journalism team that has been exposing corruption for decades.

“Not a lot of people know about our News Team because they don’t make it past the porn section of our store but we didn’t include ‘news’ in our name for nothing!” says Creepy-Peepy Tom the store’s night manager.

Webster Movie Theater Now Allowing Local Dads to Come and Nap for Free

Webster, NY – “Ever since we got the upgraded seats we’ve noticed a lot of Dad’s coming in and falling asleep 1 minute into the movie,” says AMC Webster Manager David Rolone.

Trying to capitalize on this the movie theater in Webster is now going to designate a theater for local poppas to come in and nap for free.

“To help them get to sleep we will be playing the first minute of some classic Father-Favorites like Forrest Gump, Castaway, Big, you know, basically anything with Tom Hanks,” said Rolone.

When asked how they plan to make up for the revenue lost not playing a movie in a theater, AMC says they plan to sell a coffee and popcorn package for $115 to the sleepy Daddys.

Rochester SnapChat Filters Exclusively Used Ironically, New Study Confirms

Rochester, NY – What started as “a way to check-in downtown with pride for your city has now become a complete joke” says a local SnapChat Engineer. A new study is reporting that the only time anyone uses a Rochester GeoFilter is to tag something ironically.

The Top 3 uses for the Rochester GeoFilters are now:

  1. Garbage Plate spilled on the sidewalk
  2. Accordion Guy videos
  3. Taking a selfie after you have stepped on a used syringe

New Cereal Throwing Bar to Open up in East Ave Wegmans Parking Lot

Rochester,NY- The cereal bar is on the rise along with Axe throwing bars and there isn’t a damn thing us Rochesterians can do about it. With Morgans Cereal bar opening up right across from POPROC, it only makes sense that someone came up with the genius idea to open up a “Cereal throwing bar” right on east ave as well. The new bar will be opening in east ave Wegmans parking lot this fall. We had a chance to speak with the owner about why he chose this business.

” You know, I saw all these new businesses emerging, between the Axe throwing bar, the cereal bars. I thought to myself, why hasn’t anyone combined the two? It seems like a no brainer, people love cereal and people love getting their inner rage out. So, I’m happy to bring this idea to Rochester and help people live out their dreams of throwing a bow of cocoa puffs in someones face. Now I haven’t confirmed I can open up this location in the Wegmans parking lot, but honestly at this point in Rochester, it seems you can open up a business wherever the fuck you want and no one cares. YOLO

Confused Rochesterian Shows up to Protest I.C.E. and Also Snow

Rochester, NY – Nearly a hundred people gathered outside the US customs and border protection office this past Sunday to protest the impending ICE raids on undocumented workers. The Innerloop blog sat down with Jeremy Stevens of Irondequoit who didn’t know what the hell was going on.

Innerloop Blog: So Jeremy what are your feelings on the potential raids by ICE in Rochester?

Jeremy Stevens: I’m completely against them. Ice is so damn cold. And so is snow! It’s the middle of summer for crying out loud! There should be more people out here protesting. I mean, I could see if we were talking Ice Cream, ya know? That’s a delicious treat for the hot days and I wouldn’t mind someone kicking in my door separating me from my family or loved ones and handing me a nutty cone.

Innerloop Blog: wait…what?

Jeremy Stevens: exactly!

Tornado Hits Rochester, Only Destroys South Wedge Trailer Park Bar

Rochester, NY – With Tropical weather patterns hitting Rochester lately, it’s no surprise we have received word that a tornado has landed in the south wedge.

Surprisingly enough, there have been no injuries, casualties and most of the building remains intact, except for the “Beer Park”, the infamous trailer park themed bar.

We spoke with some local residents to get their take on the situation and this is one of the responses. “The bar that’s making fun of trailer park culture got taken out? Cool. Fuck that place”

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