Macedon, NY – Frank Toofen was reunited with his family today after spending the last 42 years stuck inside of the Amazing Maize Maze.
Mr. Toofen originally went into the maze with his family but quickly got separated from his group. His family made it through the maze, and in their excitement, completely forgot about their Uncle Frank.
“We decided that he was probably passed out drunk in the maze and left him to teach him a lesson” said Barbara Toofen his sister.
“I was.” Mr. Toofen told The Inner Loop Blog.
After hours of trying to find the way out, Frank stated hitting his flask hard, and when it got dark, he decided to sleep a little, and get a fresh start in the morning. But that’s when it got weird.
There has been a debate in Rochester whether the maze is completely man-made or if it is an extraterrestrial anomaly. Mr. Toofen can officially confirm it is the latter.
“So I laid down to take a nap and that’s when I saw a bright light. It blinded me for a second and then I could see a bunch of aliens with hedge clippers adding new twists and turns to the maze.
In my amazement, I stepped on a big old piece of corn and shrieked in pain. The aliens spotted me and next thing I know, I am on a spaceship, being probed every which way, tube in my mouth, little alien hands rubbing me all over the place.” said Frank Toofen.
For the next 20 years, Frank Toofen would spend his days being experimented on by Aliens. The corn maze creating Aliens seemed to know little about the human culture. For example, they thought corn was the only food the people could eat. “They just fed me corn everything. Corn chips, cornbread, grits, polenta, tortillas, cereal, and whiskey. It was f***ing awesome!”
Just as the old saying goes, ‘time flies when you’re getting probed’ and for seemingly no reason Frank eventually found himself back inside the amazing maize maze. “They must have just got tired of putting things in my butt. Just like my first marriage!” Frank told The Innerloop Blog.