ROCHESTER, NY — Local man Eric Nolan announced this morning on Facebook that he is officially “done with the Buffalo Sabres,” shocking his 17 followers who are all fully aware he started watching hockey approximately one month ago. Sources close to the newly devastated fan say Nolan became emotionally invested when the playoffs started and quickly made supporting the team his entire personality after multiple strangers said “Go Sabres” to him at Wegmans.

“This franchise doesn’t care about winning,” Nolan told The Innerloop Blog during an exclusive interview. He later referred to a fourth-line winger whose name he could not remember as “soft” before adding, “It’s the same thing every year with this team,” despite having no idea what happened during any of those years.

“A month ago, he thought the blue lines were part of the logo,” said one coworker. “Now he’s ripping down photos he made on the company printer and talking about rebuilding culture like he’s been emotionally trapped in Buffalo sports hell since birth.” At press time, Nolan was reportedly expected to fully recover emotionally and forget hockey exists when the Buffalo Bills training camp starts.