MEXICO, NY — The town of Mexico, NY announced Tuesday it would change its name to Epstein List to avoid being targeted by President Donald Trump’s reported push to rename New Mexico to New America.

“We figured if we changed our name to something he absolutely doesn’t want to talk about, we might fly under the radar,” said town supervisor Mark Henderson.

At an emergency town meeting, residents considered alternatives including Little Saint James II, Saladtown, and Shmexico before settling on Epstein List.

“If Trump wants to rename every place with Mexico in it, or anything vaguely Canadian, we figured we’d better get ahead of him,” said one longtime resident. “The high school is already on board and changed its team name to the Victims. Should make for some interesting merch.”