Buffalo, NY — After failing to meet Bills standards during the preseason, officials announced today that the new stadium field will need to be completely re-sodded before the regular season begins. Team officials stressed that the current grass is simply “too reliable” and does not provide the level of late-season disappointment the organization and fans have come to expect.

The replacement sod has reportedly been specially selected to remain perfectly playable throughout the regular season before gradually deteriorating during the playoffs. “We wanted something that really captures the Buffalo playoff experience,” a team representative said. “It should look great all season, then become completely unreliable when it matters most.”