All posts by Michael Colòn

LOCAL GOOD NEWS

Greece Named Best Place to Raise a Family

Rochester, NY- Here at the OUTER LOOP BLOG, we have some things we need to get off our chest. Now that those losers who we’re running this S***! Anyways, people have been hating on Greece for a long time and the jokes on them! Recent studies done by my famz and homeboyz in Greece have determined that Greece is actually the best place to raise a family. Especially if you weren’t expecting that family to begin with! #weararubber #GREECE4LIFE #VAPELIFE

Study: East Rochester Residents Are Immune to Coronavirus Due to Horrible Living Standards for Decades

Rochester, NY – With paranoia growing of the ever-looming coronavirus spreading across the globe. Many countries and cities are taking extreme measures to protect themselves from this new and deadly virus.

Luckily for the residents of East Rochester, scientists have just discovered that they are actually immune to this deadly virus just due to years of poor overall hygiene and cleanliness.

Local Man Cant Believe All That Dog Crap He Didn’t Pick-Up in the Winter Hasn’t Magically Disappeared

Rochester, NY- Warm weather, clear skies, and 40-degree weather has Rochesterians shouting for joy. One local Rochesterian man has some confusion about all of it. He doesn’t understand why his neighborhood is covered in dog poop. We spoke with him to see exactly what his thoughts were.

“Yeah, I just don’t understand it. I’m glad the snow is gone, but now it’s just piles of dog crap everywhere. I mean I took my dog out all the time, I didn’t pick up his dookie because I thought that the snow took care of it. I was also being considered of the environment, I’m currently avoiding plastic bags of any sort and responsibility of any kind. I just don’t get why the snow didn’t take care of it? Doesn’t it melt away with everything else? Either way, I’m still committed to being green and refusing to pick up my dog’s doo-doo.”

Experts Predict Plastic Bag Ban Will Cause a 1000% Rise in Dog Poop on Rochester Lawns

Rochester, NY- The plastic ban is coming and Wegmans is the first to enforce it. Many are praising the grocery store chain for taking a stance in helping the environment and turning us towards a more “green” way of living.

That being said, others are saying that the consequences of this are already being seen. Multiple reports are informing us that the rise of dog shit on Rochesterians lawns is almost up a 1000% due to the lack of leftover Wegmans plastic bags.

We spoke with a local Rochesterian about what he’s currently experiencing.

” You know when I first heard of the plastic ban, I was pretty excited. I’ve always considered myself a “environmentally-conscious” person, so I completely support it. That being said, I have stepped in about five to eight different piles of dog shit this week alone. Sometimes on my front lawn and other times on the sidewalk! I think if we don’t take action now and figure out a way to pick up dog shit, the streets of Rochester will be overflowing with dog shit and chaos.”

Boulder Open Mic Audience Grateful Every Comic Has Asked Them “How’s It Going?”

Rochester,NY- Every Monday that rolls around, Rochesterians have the pleasure of going to check out some local comedy at Boulder coffee. Even though the mic is aimed primarily at jokes, some people are very flattered that the comic’s seem to actually care about their lives. We spoke with a local woman who attended the last open-mic.

” You know, I usually go there expecting dick jokes and mediocre comedy, but I was genuinely surprised by how sweet and sincere all the comics were. Every single one that got on stage asked us “How’s it going?”. I mean, my husband doesn’t even ask me how’s it going anymore. So for these mostly young, dirty men talking about STDS and being poor to ask me such a genuine question. It really make’s me love them, but I definitely will not be returning to that mic again.”

Rochesterians Look Back Fondly at the Double Rainbow in These Dark Times

Rochester, NY- Mother winter is here and she is a nasty bitch. The heavy snow struck Rochester over the weekend and everyone is in great mourning of the dark times ahead of us. Rochesterians have gathered together in remembrance of the “Double Rainbow” we all experienced last month. It brings a smile to our face while we face these trivial times. We spoke with a local resident about this memory.

” You know, whenever winter strikes, I usually just stack up on a bunch of weed and hang out in my apartment for about six months. Which is exactly what I’m doing, but now I get to remember that double rainbow everyone was posting about. It’s cool I guess”.

Breaking News: Bob Lonsberry Says Tops Is the Same as Wegmans

Rochester,NY- Bob Lonsberry has caused a shit storm of controversy, by comparing the “N” word to the word “Boomer”. The backlash has been brutal and swift. We have just received word that Bob Lonsberry has spoken again and is saying another controversial statement, he has said that ” Tops is the same as Wegmans”. The internet has not responded kindly to this as well. We spoke with some Rochesterians about how they felt about this and here’s what they had to say.

“Umm, is this something he actually said?”

“ This seems to be diverting attention from his racist behavior”

“ That’s a f***ing spot on comment bruh”