GREECE, NY – Amidst the turmoil of the weekend, reports came in of the suburb of Greece falling victim to the riots, with Greece Mall being the epicenter of the chaos. A fire was raging in the Macy’s and the putrid smell of garbage and despair emanated from the space where the H&M used to be. As it turns out, it was a false alarm. That is just how the mall was designed.

“Macy’s was built over an actual dumpster fire. And that smell has always been here. I don’t even notice it”, said Bill Furnari, Greece resident, and Greece High’s 1978 Varsity football regionals MVP. Sure enough, Innerloop investigators confirmed that the dumpster fire has always been burning, and the rancid stench of the ton is as pungent and nauseating as the line to the Chic-fil-A is long…and also putrid.

We tried to follow up with Furnari to see if any actual upheavals had been witnessed in Greece, but he had to get back to work at the Speedway cleaning the coffee maker but not before reminding us of his MVP title in varsity football.