Williamson, NY – Just in time for Fall local meth dealer Ford Skelly is now offering a Pumpkin Spice option for all of the 315 tweakers.

“With hints of cinnamon and clues that lizards live inside of the skin of politicians and they control our every move, this PSM (pumpkin spice meth) is the perfect pick’me’up to start your morning commute. It pairs well with apple fritters, pulling all of the hair out of your head individually, and never brushing your teeth” says Mr. Skelly.

The PSM will only be available for a short time before Wayne County police find the lab that’s operating out of the TOPs bathroom.