Rochester, NY – Mayor Malik Evans has announced an innovative initiative to crack down on trash and “other things” in the Genesee. “We’re going to boil the whole river,” said Mayor Evans in an Interview.

The program would boil the “cancer-infused garbage soup” that once joyously bubbled through a picturesque valley that is now Rochester, New York.

Mayor Evans says he was flabbergasted to learn just this morning that Rochestarians are drinking dirty poopoo water. “I have many loved ones who drink water,” he says; “in fact, I myself have even drank water before.”

 When asked how he plans to accomplish this task the Mayor said “There are things we don’t know yet and things we haven’t been given information on.”

Unfortunately, the Mayor’s first attempt to plug in a gigantic hot plate to boil the water damaged Monroe’s power grid early Wednesday, March 20.

The Mayor let our Innerloop Blog reporter know he is currently assembling a Genesee Boil Task Force (GBTF) which includes that guy from Kodak who accidentally discovered a-bomb testing, some annoying RIT nerd, and the creator of “Genesee Lite,” who has “more experience with garbage water than anyone east of India.” 

We have reached out to the Monroe County Water Authority for their opinion on boiling the Genessee River and to Captain Jim’s Fish Market to see what side dishes they would pair with boiled river carp.