ROCHESTER, NY – The recent announcement of the eclipse’s relocation to Norwalk, CT, has reopened wounds for Rochestarians, reminiscent of Xerox’s departure in 1969. The news came as a shock, with the Moon candidly expressing the decision to forsake Rochester and meet up with the Sun in Norwalk instead.

The move echoes the trajectory taken by the once Rochester-based company, Xerox, leaving crowds disappointed as they gathered to witness the awe-inspiring natural phenomenon of the total solar eclipse, only to be met with a total bust.

“It’s nothing personal against the people of Rochester,” the Moon explained to our Innerloop reporter, “We simply seek to be in a location with new, better, actually talented people.” This sentiment underscores a growing trend of corporations prioritizing access to “talent pools” and strategic locations over longstanding ties to their original communities.

Our InnerLoop team ventured to Norwalk as emotions ran high to gauge the local reaction. They encountered a resident who said, “Look at me! I’m from Norwalk! I wear Patagonia and love to say, “Happy Monday and synergy!”

Adding insult to injury, the moon delivered a scathing denunciation of Rochester during a press conference. “I loathe Rochester and everyone in it, you beanie-headed, garbage plate-eating, Bills-Cladded clowns,” the Moon Concluded.

Mr. Moon man’s vitriolic remarks are a poignant reminder of the shifting dynamics between corporations and their host communities. Loyalty and commitment often take a backseat to bottom-line considerations.

While the wounds inflicted by this departure may still be fresh, the community remains steadfast in its resolve to overcome setbacks and emerge stronger than before. As Rochester navigates this latest betrayal, it does so with a renewed determination to forge its path and shape its destiny, regardless of corporate whims or celestial shifts.