ROCHESTER, NY – The local Tiny-Puerto-Rican-Flag vendor was found dead in his home today buried underneath his earnings from this year’s Puerto Rican Festival. First responders estimate the pile to be nearly $2,500,000 in cash and coins.
“Clearly a Scrooge McDuck copy-cat type of accident,” said EMT Greg Porking who was first on the scene.
Juan Valdivia has been Rochester’s top distributor for Tiny-Little-Puerto-Rican-Flags market after realizing “the only thing that Rochester Puerto Ricans love more than the commonwealth itself is waving tiny little flags to show their patriotism” (a quote from Mr. Valdivia’s book “The Art of The Teeny-Tiny-Flag Deal”). While his earnings have bought him homes in Milan, Paris, and a yacht docked in Ibisa, Mr. Valdivia always returned to Rochester for his one day of work a year selling Lil-Teeny-Tiny-Flags.
Local Puerto Ricans use the flags to wave during the parade and also as car decals to let other drivers know that they’re a “Boricua” and that they will be braking randomly when they see another teeny-tiny-teensy-winsey-Puerto-Rican-Flag so they can shout things in Spanish back-and-forth.