Rochester, NY – Billionaire Tom Golisano and his family are bracing for yet another week of air strikes from local Geese. The Goose squadron is loading up on oatmeal, black beans, and fiber supplements to deliver the maximum payload to the yard of Mr. Golisano’s Canandaigua Lake Summer Home..
The chemical warfare has run rampant on the Paychex owner’s yard for years only stopping during the winter months when the unruly fowl fleet of feathered Canadians retreats to Florida to load up with munitions for the warmer months.
Last fall, Mr. Golisano threw himself at the feet of local legislators to please save him from the torment and withheld his $90,000 in property taxes.
This year Mr. Golisano worked all night on a giant paper machete recreation of the goose leader Tiberius Goose Cannon to show Canandaigua leadership what he’s dealing with. Originally the panel thought it was strange that Tom brought in a goose to the meeting as if they’d never seen one before but allowed Mr. Golisano to make his plea all the same.
All Mr. Golisano wants is to do is lower the assessment on his property so he can reappropriate those funds to hire a group of the Geese’s natural predators to fight off the invasion.
The ragtag group of assassins he has in mind is made up of a wolf, bear, and a homeless guy who got really good at catching the birds. “I learned my skills when I fell on hard times when I became addicted to both Foie gras and heroin.”