Webster, NY – Dave Carter has had a rough week. He had to remove all his MAGA and “F*** Your Feelings” yard signs after Joe Biden was confirmed as President-elect and now he’s dealing with anxiety after receiving an email warning him that Bill Gates has inserted microchips into the new COVID-19 vaccine.
“It’s from a source I trust completely. It’s a guy I met on 4chan that also correctly predicted that Joe Biden would buy voting ballots from Al Qaeda and dump them into the elections in exchange for supplying his son with a copious amount of designer drugs,” says Carter.
Afraid that all his “cuck libtard” family members will make the mistake of getting the vaccine, Carter issued a tweet through the voice recognition software in his new Ford F250, which he’s given full access to his phone’s files and contacts, to let everyone know that Pfizer is up to no good.
Webster,NY- Jeremy Lyles has been a resident of Webster for over twenty years. Webster is a nice town to live in, raise your kids, drive by a McDonald’s twice on your way home. Yet, damn if it isn’t a town to find some fun in. Webster is a town where Stephen King would write a story about a man going crazy and killing cats or some shit. Jeremy was sick of going to Walmart with his kids and having them scuba dive through the five dollar bin to find die hard two, no matter how much fun that game was. Jeremy shared his thoughts with us on how hard fun is to find in Webster.
“You know, it’s the same old routine day in and day out, I drive through Webster, fight off my suicidal thoughts, get home to the kids, fight off the suicidal thoughts some more and then go to bed. Not anymore, I refuse to live that life anymore. Tonight, even if it cost me my life, I swear I am finding something enjoyable to do in Webster. I refuse to spend another dollar at the AMC movie theater! I am paying fifteen dollars to just fall asleep on my couch! Webster has to have something to do that doesn’t involve thinking about suicide! I swear I’m going to find it! Maybe the kids and I could walk down the street since sidewalks are non-existent! Walking in traffic is fun, right guys?!?”
The Inner loop staff did some detective work of their own and tried to find something fun to do in the town of Webster. Here is a list of things we found somewhat enjoyable.
- Peoples pain
- Dead trees
- More pain
- Dead people in Walmart
- Abbots to cover up the pain
Sadly, The Inner Loop lost one of our own to suicide during this detective work. Sometimes trying to find fun has a very steep price.