BUFFALO, NY – Three-year-old Tyler Mahoney has been buzzing with excitement all week, eagerly anticipating his favorite team facing off against the Baltimore Ravens. However, the tiny idiot has no idea how high the stakes truly are. Not only are the Buffalo Bills one loss away from elimination, but his parents’ marriage might be one bad play away from collapse.

Sources report that Kevin and Sarah Mahoney have been struggling to hold their relationship together for quite some time, and friends are concerned the die-hard Bills fans won’t be able to handle a loss. “If the Bills’ defensive line can’t contain Lamar Jackson, there’ll be a ‘for sale’ sign in their yard next week,” an anonymous family friend told The Innerloop Blog.

“Expect to see a spike in divorces if the defensive line can’t hold up,” says therapist Denise Morris. “You’d be surprised how many relationships in Western NY are hanging by a thread and how much the anger and disappointment from Bills games spill over into domestic conflicts. Emotions run high during these games, and when you add alcohol, gambling losses, and diarrhea from overly spicy wings, one missed tackle on the field could be the spark that leads to a domestic dispute call to 911.”

Despite the clear tension between his parents, young Tyler remains a beacon of unshakable optimism in the Mahoney household. “Josh Allen’s gonna win!” he declared, gleefully smashing together two plastic Bills figurines while his parents silently debated whether their love could survive another three-and-out. The toddler has reportedly been asking questions like, “What’s a defensive line?” and, “Why does Mommy cry so much when Daddy yells at the TV?”