ROCHESTER – RG&E has struck a deal with Mt. Hope Cemetery, allowing the energy company to harness rotational energy from Susan B. Anthony’s corpse rolling in her grave. Anthony, a historic pioneer in women’s rights and mouthpiece for women’s suffrage, has been interned at Mt. Hope Cemetery since her death on March 13, 1906. The spinning reportedly began in the early hours of November 6th following CNN’s reporting on the 2024 presidential election results.

“I was doing my rounds around 5am when I heard a grinding noise that sounded like the wheels of progress coming to a screeching halt,” said Mt. Hope Cemetery groundskeeper Dirt Schlap. “Turns out it was just that mouthy broad spinnin’ in her grave.”

Anthony’s grave, located amongst her sisters’ and parents’, has traditionally been adorned with “I Voted” stickers surrounding prominent elections, though this tradition has waned in recent years as women have increasingly fewer votes to celebrate. Following Schlap’s discovery, RG&E swiftly moved to strike a deal to harness this seemingly ceaseless source of energy.

“Simply put, we hooked her body up to a rotor and transferred that rotational energy into useful, electric energy,” explained a representative from RG&E. “Essentially, the less power women have, the more power we have.” Anthony’s corpse is expected to generate enough energy to power the greater Rochester metro for the next 4 years, though could extend even further depending on how bad things get, politically speaking.