ROCHESTER, NY – The local sandwich community has been shaken to its crust. A recent investigation has revealed that every individual depicted in DiBella’s iconic sub-shop artwork was, in fact, a World War II war criminal.

The shocking discovery came to light after an RIT history professor, waiting for his number to be called at the East Henrietta Road DiBella’s, noticed striking similarities between the smiling faces in the artwork and figures in old WWII photographs. While cross-referencing the delicatisans’ paintings with recently declassified documents from the National Archives, they stumbled on a full-blown conspiracy, unraveling a sinister backstory hidden behind these seemingly idyllic scenes.

Some details cannot be shared as they are part of ongoing investigations or are simply too heinous to mention on this blog, but here are some that we can share:

Identified as a tank commander who targeted civilian areas. His actions were initially dismissed as mistakes caused by his poor eyesight, but were later found to be deliberate after his manifesto was uncovered.

 

 

Commanded a submarine during WWII and fired torpedoes at marine life, including dolphins and whales, whom he believed were ‘Nazi spies’ after mistaking their mating calls for German.

 

 

These three switched sides and fought for Fascist Italy citing their love of DiBella’s Godfather sub.

 

 

This sick bastard earned the nickname ‘The Butcher of Milne Bay’ for the brutal acts he committed against enemy combatants with his bayonet.

 

 

Later became the Gestapo’s greatest spy and was rumored to be a mistress of Heinrich Himmler.