ROCHESTER, NY – The annual Lilac Festival has been replaced by a new and audacious festival called “Smash and Grab a Kia and Grab Whatever Cash/Jewelry to Pawn…Festival.”

The festival, organized by a group of teenage car thieves with a zest for burglary and light arson, will feature live music, food vendors, and but mostly just breaking and entering cars with faulty alarm systems that make it easy to steal belongings.

“We’re really excited to bring this new festival to the ROC,” said festival organizer Melvin “The Petit Larceny King” Badulla. “We think it’s going to be a lot of fun for everyone involved, and no cops are invited. That’s very important.”

The festival will take place starting this weekend and anywhere you see a Kia left alone in a parking lot with a big rock or pipe around you. Admission is free, but participants are encouraged to bring their own tools.

“We’re expecting a big turnout,” said Badulla. “So come on down and have some fun!”