Brockport, NY – After Vladamir Putin’s unprovoked invasion of Ukraine displaced millions and created an unprecedented refugee crisis in Europe, SUNY Brockport’s administration thought it was the perfect time for students to learn about Putin’s contributions to human rights across the globe.

“Putin has a long history of supporting human rights,” one administrator told the Blog, “from enslaving dissidents for a lifetime in the Gulag, to murdering defenseless civilians in the Ukraine.”

The talk took place virtually inside a large auditorium to avoid the hundreds of protestors outside. After the students were seated, Putin called in and he was displayed over a large projector screen.

He began the address by chugging half a bottle of premium Russian vodka and taking off his shirt. He then demanded all students begin singing the Russian national anthem. Soon after his broadcast was abruptly cut short.