Bills Mask Unretired After Brief Stay With Batteries and Well-Aged Soy Sauce Packets

Rochester, NY – New York Gov. Kathy Hochul has put a statewide mandate on masks starting today and many Rochesterians have spent most of their day trying to locate their face coverings.

“I didn’t think I would have to put this thing on again,” said Frank Averman of Greece. “I even sent a SnapChat to my friends of me farting on it with the caption ‘good riddance.'”

“I don’t get why I have to wear it if I am vaccinated,” said Jill Stenner of Webster. “I literally got my eighth dose today. They say you’re just supposed to get three on TV but I don’t trust the lamestream media. I have three of both Pfizer and Moderna with a Johnson and Johnson splashed in for funsies,” continued Stenner before collapsing in front of us shortly after.

The mandate will be in effect until at least Jan. 15 but experts predict things to get “pretty loosey-goosey with enforcing it” after a week.

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