ROCHESTER, NY – After two drunk college students tore down and stole a statue of the prominent historical African-American figure Fredrick Douglass, the community has retaliated by tearing down a statue of prominent white f***boy leader Post Malone.
“This is a great injustice, Posty has done more for progressing the agenda of shotgunning natty ice and looking grody as f*** than anyone else. His contributions to the 20 year old college f*** boy community cannot be understated” said St John Fisher Sophmore Chad Chadson, right before he ran across the street to tell a women she should “smile more”
The men who tore down the Post Malone statue are being charged with terrorism and will be set to death, due to the fact that they weren’t underage drinking while white when the incident occurred, thus giving them no excuse.
“Sadly our hands are tied, the law is the law, you can’t just go around committing these kinds of crimes while being so brazenly not white, and not expect consequences.” Said the Chief of Police who kept telling us he has “tons of black friends, honestly” despite us not asking.