ROCHESTER, NY – That’s not sleigh bells you hear rumbling down Alexander Street! Santa’s are coming to town on a bender for the ages as they just wrestled a bunch of St John Fisher grads off their rolling bicycle tour bus thing and are ready to paint the town with the printer cartridges they jacked on their way out the door at the big X.

“On Bob! On Jeff! On Daniel & Lyle! On Barry, on Gary, on Billy & Larry!” The head of customer service John Bellmont called out to his newly unemployed brethren as they cycled down to Firehouse saloon for $3 boilermakers.