Rochester, NY – Teacher Appreciation week is a few months out, but it is never too early to start thinking about gifts to give that special educator in your life. Teachers do so much for our children, and often times it’s a thankless job. In the wake of the tragedy in Parkland, Florida, Trump and Fox News have another job for our wonderful teachers; armed militia member. So apparently, stopping mass shootings is on them now too. Why not, right? I guess your children’s teachers are going to be strapped to the teeth, and honestly, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. So here at the Inner Loop, we have complied five wonderful firearm accessories to give to your teacher, because again, Republicans want them to carry guns.
- Clip-On Holster – This gift is perfect for the teacher who now has a 9mm handgun in a room full of children. It can clip onto pants or go through a belt loop. It allows fast and easy access for when your middle-aged teacher needs to draw it and shoot a kid with an assault rifle right between the eyes. You can even get custom embroidered ones; maybe add your teacher’s favorite Shakespeare quote or chemical formula. Have fun with it!
- Tactical Laser Sight – This awesome attachment will give added precision to your teacher’s glock. Not that they need it, they are school-teacher’s after all, they clearly have the training needed to brandish weapons. But, this will totally give them an advantage against the maniac with a semi-automatic weapon and no fear of death shooting up the school.
- Silhouette Shooting Targets – We all know how much teachers love to bring their work home with them, so this gift is perfect. This will allow your teacher to hone their weapon skills. Even though they are already totally qualified to be a last line of defense, teachers will be the first to tell you there is no such thing as too much practice. It is important to get the human-shaped ones, so they know the right spots to aim to confirm a kill. They aren’t going to be hunting deer, after all.
- Second Amendment Skull Decal – Admittingly some teachers may be hesitant at first to wield their new weapons. Once they see how fun guns are though, no doubt they will become enthusiasts overnight. And no self-respecting gun enthusiast can keep their mouth shut about the Second Amendment. This decal can go on their car, desk, hell even on their classroom chalkboard. They’ll be saying “you can take my guns over your children’s cold, dead bodies,” in no time.
- Lockable Pistol Case – We are actually going to pretend for a second that anyone gives a shit about your kid’s safety and suggest this last one. These cases are built tough and extra secure. Many even come with fail-safe locks. This would be the perfect gift to assure your teacher treats their new weapon with responsibility and care. But let’s get serious. No one gives a shit about gun safety. So, actually, scratch this one.
- BONUS: Another Second Amendment Skull Decal – Why the fuck not??