Webster, NY– Hundreds of residents took to the streets Thursday evening after losing access to their HBO Go logins thanks to Jenna Hartree’s cheap ass parents cancelling their contract with Time Warner Cable. Sources for The Inner Loop Blog say as many as 2,000 may lose access to the service mere days before the season 6 premiere of Game of Thrones. Carl and Edith Hartree, of Webster, said in a statement they chose to end their cable television service as part of an effort to cut back on expenses in their retirement, and had no idea their daughter had been sharing their HBO password with so many people. The couple also denounced the protests and vowed they would not back down from the decision, mentioning that re-runs of The Big Bang Theory on CBS were the only television programs they really cared about anyway.
Demonstrators on Monroe Ave. and in the South Wedge have so far remained largely peaceful while carrying signs and chanting slogans such as “No John Oliver, No Peace,” and “Burn It Down, Burn It Down, True Detective, Eastbound And Down.”
“I was like, 2 episodes away from finishing The Jynx, and now I just don’t know what I’m going to do on Friday night,” said Brad Edsel, 23, a protester we caught up with on Meigs St. His despair was echoed by dozens of other 20-something baristas, grad students, and starving artist types who had all been looking forward to binge watching The Leftovers and drinking red wine alone with their cats this weekend.
We reached out to Jenna Hartree for comment by writing “Why your parents gotta be so lame?” On a cocktail napkin, tying it to a brick and throwing it through her apartment window, but her spokesperson has declined to comment.
Editor’s Note: A previous version of this article misidentified a protester’s sign as reading, “Orange Is The New Black Lives Matter,” which was actually from an earlier demonstration after Greg’s stupid ex-girlfriend changed her Netflix password