In a tweet released early Wednesday morning Donald Trump has declared himself the first ever People Magazines Sexiest Time Magazines Person of the Year.
Controversy has surrounded the statement with many claiming that that doesn’t f***ing exist. Donald Trump was quoted saying “It’s real, look it up.”
Google results show no evidence of this award, although “news” outlet Brietbart published an article claiming that the deep state and the liberal-bias of “reality” and “facts” are behind the cover up to slander President Trump and discredit his perfectly legitimate achievement.
“The President is very, very sexy, I assure you. Tremendously sexy, the best sexy, truly phenomenal. ” said a source from the White House who chose to remain anonymous.
In a turn of events that certainly seemed unlikely, President Elect Donald Trump has announced that she, formerly he, is now undergoing gender reassignment surgery.
“Sexuality is a joke, it’s the worst it’s been in years, it’s undereducated and underfunded” Trump hollered from his tower, “Russia is beating us in queers, China is beating us in queers, it’s a shame really”
Ms. Trump underwent the surgery surrounded by investors he designated her “loved ones”, and is now on track to solidify herself as the first female president of the United States.
When asked to comment, Hillary Clinton simply went wide eyed and began stammering.
On a similar note Vice President elect Mike Pence has been put on suicide watch after screaming and pulling all of his hair out.
After the surgery, president elect Trump promptly stood up, took of her pa to, and grabbed herself in the pussy.
“See! It’s not so bad” she shouted to her investors.
Rochester,NY- Donald Trump has said quite the number of things over this past year. From calling Mexicans rapist, to mocking a disabled journalist. As of recently, Donald Trump as of recently found himself in hot water for being caught on tape saying he would “Grab them by the pussy”. Reflecting on this situation, we have come up with five others things Donald Trump should have said instead.
1) Grab them by the hand and take them to a nice dinner and treat them with love and respect.
2) Grab them by the pussy because your their gynecologist and you have a professional obligation to do so and make sure to be respectful about it.
3) Grab them by the pussy, because you’re in the middle of intercourse and you’ve already established an emotional connection with this person and cant wait to talk about it afterwards and how comfortable you were around each other during that experience.
4) Grab them by pussy and let them know you’re not a rapist, you just don’t know how to start small talk.