Rochester, NY – Local bars are bracing for a surge of men “dealing with some stuff” after a fire shut down The Coach Sports Bar this week. Regulars of the beloved spot, known for its wings and the nicotine sauna on their back porch, are now left without their favorite haunt. Sources say the displaced patrons are already starting to spread their emotional turmoil to other local watering holes.

“We’ve seen a rise in guys just staring into their drinks, talking about their ‘recent life changes,'” said a bartender at The Mary Wee Pub. “It’s like clockwork. They’ll complain about how Webster isn’t what it used to be, then ask if we have a Bills game on from 2005. I just nod and pour another round.” He added, “We’ve got to be ready for endless conversations about how expensive their kids’ activities are and their ex-wives.”

Local watering holes are already adjusting to the situation. “We’ve stocked up on Labbatt and have even installed a free popcorn machine so these Coach refugees feel right at home,” a manager from Pub 235 told The Innerloop Blog.

Webster residents are just hoping to survive the emotional wreckage of displaced regulars. “It’s gonna be a long few weeks for this town,” said one Flaherty’s patron. “The vibes at happy hour are going to get a lot more mid-life crisis-y.”