ROCHESTER, NY – After a deceased body was exhumed from the palatial waters of Highland Park and a boil water decree was announced by the MCWA (that’s the place they treat the normally piss-infused water for the layman), a lot of locals from unaffected suburbs have chimed in with their concerns.

“This is just another reason to never go anywhere in the city, one minute you’re drinking the dead guy’s water the next you’re getting stabbed by a homeless man who you’re trying to scold for sitting peacefully in a public park,” said Pittsford resident and mom to two horrible children, Tiffany Amber Shambler.

“I personally would never drink the water from the city since it’s not bottled by the Coca-Cola company and the mayor continually advocates for mandatory fentanyl injections for kindergartners if you’re white. It’s true. I read it on a Nextdoor post!” Shambler continued until she was run over by a train