Rochester, NY – Do you remember eating something sweet and salty at the Lilac Festival this year? What was it? Can’t remember? Are you freaking out?
Much like many Rochesterians you most likely remember standing in a long line and feeling like you got ripped off but you can not remember exactly what you ate. You also won’t have a craving for it again until lilacs are in bloom again.
That is because there is a strong magic force working against you. There is a tasty treat called “Kettle Corn” that is made at the Lilac Festival by a group of plain-clothed wizards and witches. The popcorn coven has learned that they can make enough money working one week a year at the local festival but the most important piece of their business plan is making sure Rochesterians do not buy this readily available product at any other point of the year.
To make sure demand stays low until the festival the Kettlers Of Satan cast a spell upon all of Rochester to make them forget the sweet, buttery corn exists. They mix lilac petals with half popped kernels and the blood of a virgin and dump the mixture into the Genesee River. There is a chant that they would not disclose but according to our field reporter it sounded a lot like the Buffalo Bills touchdown song replacing the word ‘Bills’ and ‘Shout’ with ‘Kettle Corn’ and ‘shit tons of cash.’
“We serve food out of a giant caldron so we’re a little disappointed no one caught on that we were magic folk before now,” said Master Ketteler Odarin the Potent.