Rochester, NY – Research conducted by a reputable business journal found that Rochester ranks as the best city to score a fat bag of your favorite illegal substance in the United States.
Rank was determined by a series of tests based on information from each city’s drug marketplace. Rochester scored highest in drug diversity, dealer response time and customer satisfaction.
“I can’t imagine a better city to get high in,” one local drug user told the Blog, “I can always find the best drugs even though I can’t find my pants.”
However, not everyone was happy with the business journal’s findings.
“I think we still have a lot of work to do before we can call Rochester the best,” a city official said in response to the report, “I bought a zip last weekend and it was definitely cut with something. It barely got me high at all!”
Rochester’s local drug dealer union is happy to be ranked the best in the country and hope to maintain that title for years to come.