EAST ROCHESTER – Glen Nicodemus wishes to assure everyone that despite the verbal altercation in a park with a black teen and his friends after they caught him taking pictures of them, despite the fact that he was caught on video shouting the n-word at that black teen while spraying him with a hose a la Bull Connor, despite threatening that teen by bragging about his membership in the KKK, he is most definitely NOT racist.

“’KKK’ stands for ‘Kool Kids Klub’!” explained the 59 year old. “What else would that stand for? This is Rochester, after all. I can’t be racist! This is the North!”

Nicodemus was arrested on Wednesday, August 20^th after a video came out of him on August 14^th spraying the black teen and threatening him. Even though he called him the n-word multiple times and announced his membership in the KKK, town police chief Steve Clancy stated that this incident did not rise to the level of a hate crime. Nicodemus was only charged with second-degree harassment and released on his own recognizance. When asked why it took nearly a week to arrest and charge him, and then be out on the street again with such a light charge, Nicodemus explained that nearly half of the police force and most of the judges and district attorneys are also in the “Kool Kids Klub” as well.

“Kool Kids Klub is just a neighborhood social organization that entertains children. Sometimes we dress up as ghosts at night while doing cool tricks with ropes and hang out. Kids love ghosts and ropes tricks! In fact, one time we welcomed a family into the neighborhood by giving them a welcome letter in 1957, and back in the 1920s we had a big party! We’re all about having fun!”

Nicodemus then took a big sip of Bud Light from his confederate flag mug, which matched his confederate flag slippers, pants, and wallpaper. When asked about all the confederate flags, he explained, “I’m just really into the Dukes of Hazzard. Does it have any other meaning?” He then spilled some beer on his “Bring Back Rhodesia” t-shirt.

Some, including the black teen’s mother is skeptical of his claims of non-racism. “There are only two types of people named ‘Nicodemus’”, she said, “Jamaican reggae singers, and full-fledged neo-nazis in the suburbs”.

Nicodemus could not explain this peculiarity, as he had to make a bunch of large wooden crosses. “Tonight, we’re gonna put on our ghost costumes and show some of our neighbors how fired up for Jesus we are!”