ROCHESTER, N.Y. 9:15 p.m. — The landlord of a local scene-staple venue, Bug Jar, is reluctant to fix kitchen and pest problem, despite countless complaints.

“It’s really disheartening, you know?” Said Izzy Nematode, who has been squatting at the Bug Jar since it opened in 1991, “I mean, the kitchen is on the freaking ceiling! I’d love to make a few bucks selling some home-cooked meals to the folks who come in for shows. Believe me, I’ve tried, I strapped myself up there with a few rolls of duct-tape and some rusty carabiners, but the grub always falls to the ground! Gravity is such a pain in the ass, man.”

Additionally, show-goers have been none-too-happy with the pest problem exhibited at the venue.

“Each time I come in here, just flys, everywhere.” Said Sara Harper, “I tried to get a beer last week during this minimal-industrial-british-new-wave dance party, but I could barely reach the bar without this monster of a fly swooping right into my face! It must have been a horse-fly — it was huge. I was so grossed out, I just grabbed my coat and went to Lux.”

Mike Barrett, exterminator, serving the Rochester area for the past 30 years, wasn’t surprised by the news about the Bug Jar.

“I know the fly you’re asking about, yeah.” Said Barrett, exhaling a cigarette, “I’ve been called in there a few times to handle that thing. It’s just too tough. Nothin’ll kill that sumbitch. After it survived the usual pesticide spray, then the gas — I had to resort to more extreme measures. I tried shooting it, bludgeoning it, threatening its family, I even lit it on fire. Everything I tried seemed to just make it stronger.” Barrett pulled out a flask from his jacket, “Landlord? Shit… That fly’s the landlord now. That fly’s the master. You have to answer to The Fly.”

At press time, The Fly refused to comment about anything pertaining to our inquiry, but did inform us of an array of excellent shows coming to the venue.

Zac Lux
@zaclux