An Argument Against Team Mystic

Pokemon go is an incredibly fun, family friendly, and addicting game that released for the IPhone and Android. It’s a game that promotes community, especially among those who are on the same team.

Namely Team Valor, also known as the
G-spot of the Pokemon go teams, hits every part of a good team you need: passionate members, intelligent strategies, and unbreakable core values. Mix that with strict discipline and determination, and you have a team worth talking about.

On the other hand, there is Team Mystic. Now, I know in politics it’s a bit of a dirty tactic to throw around the term “fascist”. In Pokemon GO however, “fascist” is the only way to describe the soulless husks that are team mystic.

Here are five reasons that Team Mystic is the unwashed gooch of Pokemon go.

1- Have you noticed that team mystic members are generally people in authoritarian positions of power? It’s no secret that the cold, unfeeling, blue sigil of articuno holds a certain amount of militarism about it, but most members of team mystic are policemen, military, tea party, or libertarians. I guess there’s a reason that “Blue lives matter” comes from the same mouths that praise Team Mystic

2- a lot of them own a copy of Mein Kampf: like seriously. Even people who accidentally picked team mystic have a copy of Adolf Hitler’s manifesto. It’s not a coincidence after a certain point, and that point is at the end of the 4th Reich’s Crimson spear

3- The leader of the Ku Klux Klan is team mystic: yeah. Not even joking, look it up. Want to be on the same team as that guy? You might be if-

4- you are as far right politically as possible: anti abortion, anti birth control, no drinking, smoking, swearing, voter ID control, gun rights: in name it, they support it as long as it’s as far r get as you can get. The only thing they don’t have is core discipline or beliefs because-

5- they have forsaken the individual and are trying to create a system of political, economic, and social unity through the loss of private property, rule under a single military leader, and an economy based on war profiteering and the creation of a mass armed forces in which all citizen s must serve: literally fascists.

But really it’s your choice of team. If you are brave, courageous, virtuous, charismatic, and disciplined, then Team Valor is probably your best bet.

If you are 6 and accidentally farted on your dad’s Samsung Galaxy, then you are probably on Team Instinct.

And if you believe in the systematic destruction of the Jewish people, then you’ll fit right in on Team Mystic.

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