“I knew I’d be be getting with tons of chicks in college, but I didn’t know it would be this good!”Said Brad Brunswick, smiling from ear to ear as he sat at his desk organizing all of his Rohypnol into a neat pile.  “Atleast 3 of them were semi conscious.”

Brad has become a legend amongst his fraternity brothers at Phi Kappa Phi Phi Phi Kappa and a terrible memory that will never fade for over 30 female students, a new record for the fraternity.

“I swear that dude forcefully drags home a different girl every night, I’m so jealous!” Said one of his “brothers” who refused to be named for legal reason

Brunswick offered some advice for any college student out there who hasn’t had as much success as him.

“All it takes, is a good attitude, a little bit of charm, and a sociopathic disregard for the effect your actions have on others.”

Henrietta, NY-  Day 3 of the bloody battle continues. As we walked around the mass grave site filled with former LaserTron and Dave & Buster employees, it’s quite evident that this is a war that will continue for decades. Dave & Busters Regional Manger Jacob Riddley roams the battlefield looking for any his own wounded or to put some LaserTron employees out there misery. Jacob walks over to a LaserTron employee crawling along the ground, covered in blood. Jacob flipped the boy over, “Please, just let me go, I have to finish high school.” The sound of a gun shot silenced the boy.

Jacob leaned down and picked up a LaserTron card from the dead boys pocket.”They think they can corner the market on overpriced adult arcades? This will not stand! We will own this land! We will be the only ones to offer cool cup holders with our name on it! This is our land! We are Dave! We are Busters!” The crowd of Dave & Busters employees cheered and threw their D&B power-cards in the air.

Jacob took out his battle-axe and chopped off the head of the LaserTron employee. “I want their heads on spikes in every corner of this plaza!”

We spoke to Daisy Cooper, a former LaserTron employee turned Dave & Busters employee about how she felt being on the other side. “You know I never really thought I would ever find myself on this side of the war, but LaserTron really f***ed me over, I just wanted to have a Saturday night off for karaoke night, but they told me I should have wrote it in the time off book earlier in the week, so I quit and killed my manager.”

“Were sure this war is going to rage for a while, we just don’t understand how people dont think were cooler than them, we have a virtual reality game, I mean come on.” Jacob said.

We took a poll to see how the people of Rochester felt about this war.  70% said they could literally give less of a shit, 20% said war what is it good for? and 10% said “Shit, there goes my weekend plans.”