January 22, 2017

WASHINGTON – A mere two days after his final day as the Vice President of the United States, Joseph Biden was seen today attempting to break into a window to get back into the White House this Sunday morning.

When asked what he was doing, former Vice President  Biden said “I gotta get my Skynard mug! That things a collectible, I got it when I saw them on tour in ’72. Stole it from a girl after I bonked her in the bathroom. That things gotta be worth 15-20 bucks these days, thats an antique!”

He said as he continued to fish a wire hanger into the window in a fruitless attempt to break into one of the most secure buildings in the country.

Moments later, as the Secret Service closed in, President Biden screamed “Ditch your doobs!” as he threw what appeared to be a lit marijuana cigarette into the bushes and began scaling the nearest fence.