Rochester,NY- The park ave festival is only a few weeks away and here at the Inner Loop, we hate to break the news that the festivities of Park Ave festival are going to interfere with the usual weekend routine of drunk college kids pissing on your front lawn at two in the morning on the weekends.

We know what you’re thinking, “WHAT AM I TO DO”. Well have no fear, these men pissing on your lawn will only be slightly different from the men who usually piss on your lawn. They will have dried funnel cake vomit on the bottoms of their pants and we’re sure they’ll have at least one to two bags of cocaine on their persons!

Rochester, NY – With Pride month in full effect, it’s only fitting to mourn the loss of the wonderful “Tilt” nightclub that sadly closed last year.

We have received multiple reports that the spirit of a former Tilt nightclub cage dancer has been seen joyously waving the pride flag down the streets of East Avenue.

The ghost has also reported having a Grindr account. Even ghosts need love too people!

Rochester, NY- Festival season is upon us and we know everyone can’t wait to get outside and explore the many festivals that Rochester has to offer! That’s why here at the ILB, we want to help out all the couples out there. We know as you’re wandering the streets during these festivals, you’re just going to look over at your spouse and think, f*** this. I’ve had enough. Here are some great ways of how to public fight with your spouse!

1) Drink an entire box of wine- This one seems like a no brainer, start your day off with an entire box of wine and there is no way you won’t have some feelings of resentment towards your spouse halfway through the day!

2) Live together for at least six months- Living together seemed like a good idea right? Welp, guess you didn’t realize your spouse loves to leave their underwear right next to the laundry basket or have a blind eye towards the dishes! This is the perfect time to bring it up while you’re waiting in line for some poutine!

3) Go to any festival- Anyway you slice it, no matter what you do, you and your spouse are going to fight, festivals are hot, gross and overpriced. The only reason you’re going to it is because you feel like it’s a necessary thing to as a couple! Who knows how long it last and going to festivals single sucks!

Rochester, NY – Great sadness hit the streets of Rochester when the news broke of the infamous “Sticky Lips” being shut down. But those in mourning can find some refuge that a new type of business is opening up in the restaurant’s old storefront.

That’s right, a brand new strip club called “Sticky Lips” will be opening up next month! The new owners told The Inner Loop “no, we don’t serve ribs, but we do promise a healthy dose of thighs and breast.”

We took to the streets of Rochester to talk to some of our fine citizens about their thoughts:

“Sticky Lips? That was my nickname in college!”

“Hell yeah brother, Tits and Ribs? Count me in!”

“Sticky Lips? I thought that place was a strip club this entire time!”

Rochester, NY – Today a local man by the name of Andrew Schultz got into a serious accident on Monroe Avenue. Luckily The Inner Loop Blog was on the scene to speak to him about the traumatic experience.

“This was very scary for me. I’ve only been in a handful of accidents in my life, but nothing as serious as this one. I have to tell yah, the scariest part of it was not knowing who I should call. I know calling 911 is generally what people do in this situation, but then I thought about those 888-8888 guys. I love their commercials and that jingle is so damn catchy. It was a tough choice, especially when I just thought about letting myself die. At least I wouldn’t have to pay back my student loans.”

Rochester, NY- With the great pranksters day upon us, many people are getting their inner jesters out via social media. Another great prank might be headed out with the news that Kodak laying off thousands of employees and slowly dissolving from within, could in fact just be a very long and drawn out April fools joke!

April Fools! Kodak is still falling apart and will only become another desolate shell of what this city was capable back in its prime! Sorry?

Rochester, NY- New just broke out today from the city council, that after much debate. The city has officially decided to the name of the numerous potholes scattered around the city to “F***, sorry about that”. The council said they believed the name “pothole” was far too degrading and didn’t really give the actual understanding of what potholes do to the cars of Rochester everywhere.

Fix your damn holes Rochester.

Rochester,NY– After a vicious fight broke out recently at the Red Lobster in Henrietta, management has decided they are going to convert the restaurant into a fully functioning “Thunder-Dome” arena, filled with blood sports of one on one battles to the death, with the winner taking the prize of victor and an unlimited supply of cheddar bay biscuits.

Rochester,NY- The St. Patrick’s Day is upon us, the streets are flooded with the cheers of “Irish” folk everywhere, but off in the distance, the city is falling apart. The city of Greece has always been a powder keg waiting to explode and while the fire department is busy waving their hands at the public and drinking while working.

The city of Greece is finally burning as the good lord has always intended. May our thoughts and prayers be with them and hopefully the only good that can come out of this is we finally get a mall worth browsing around.

Rochester,NY- Controversy strikes Rochester again, just two weeks ago, a local meteorologist was fired for accidentally making a racial slur during his report. You would think that this would be a lesson for all weathermen out there, but apparently not.