Rochester, NY – It was announced Wednesday that the Rochester Knighthawks’ season has been canceled. This was a huge disappointment for local alcoholics who attend the games, but actually a welcomed surprise for the players.

“What a relief. I was worried RG&E was going to shut off my electric again, but now it looks like I’ll be able to make some real money,” Knighthawks captain Spencer Carmichael told an Inner Loop reporter. “I mean, the K-Hawks salary pays for gas to and from Blue Cross Arena, but I heard as an Uber driver you can make 200, even 250 dollars a week.”