Rochester, NY – “Tired of beating around the bush and pretending like you’re ‘saving for your future’ or ‘putting money away for a vacation?’ Then you need our Zero Middleman option!”

That’s how Paychex press release started promoting its brand new service allowing Rochesterians to have 100% of their income go directly to Wegmans.

“Our studies have shown that people are actually more comfortable having all their money on their shopper’s club card than in a bank,” says Frank Fordicuss who spearheaded the project. “In theory all of these people will be able to just walk into Wegmans, take whatever they want, and leave. They’ll also be able to make their own subs at the sub shop, ” detailed Fordicuss, “which alone is a nice enough perk.”