Rochester,NY- Johnathan Pascoe has had a very long day, he wanted to just come home, relax, maybe catch up on his favorite Netflix show and kick his feet up. Yet, something seems to be bothering him, he doesn’t know what he’s going to passively aggressively mutter under his breath tonight, there are so many choices sometimes, it seems as if a clear decision can’t be made. We spoke with Johnathan to see how he is handling this crisis.
“I’ve dealt with some difficult choices in my life, but for some reason this seems to be really getting under my skin. I mean my choices are unlimited, I could probably call my wife a “bitch” when she walks away from me, or I could say something from across the room to my daughter like “ungrateful brat”. I mean the choices are just so vast. Last week I my wife caught me saying “must be nice”. I really need to perfect the art of being a sneaky asshole in my own home. Progress, not perfection, am I right?”
Rochester, NY- We’re adults here. There is no need to be rude, to pass judgement, or to be anxious. You just gotta walk up to his 95′ Subaru Outback, knock on the window and give him this fistful of hamilton’s that have been burning a hole in your pocket for a week. It’s gonna help you relax, and your other dealer told you this guy was good until he re-ups.
Alright. Knock on the window. Hand him the sweaty money. Get bag. Hold on…Something isn’t right here…
- This is definitely Oregano in a bag- Like, Im 26, I can tell what is weed and what is oregano. This is f***ing oregano. Who the f***thinks they can get away with selling oregano?
- You definitely sold oregano when you were in high school- Everyone knew that one kid who would buy anything if you told him it would get him high. Johnny sold him some laundry lint and told him it was PCP, kid came in the next day saying he tripped for a week, everyone laughed; good joke on an idiot. But it takes balls to sell a sandwich bag of not-weed to an older guy.
- Shit, is it rude to check it in front of him?- I mean, he definitely wouldn’t sell to you again if you do that, and you have another week or so before you other guy re-ups. Damn, I’m in a tight spot.
- Wait, what movie is that from?- Shit, its that Coen Brothers movie…which one was it. It had George Clooney and…John Turturro? Why the f***can I remember him but not the name of the f***in…it was like depression era? Oh! OH!
- “O Brother, Where Art Thou?”!- Ah Man! I love that movie! aww, I definitely got to get real weed and watch that movie again. Wait where did he go?
F***ing shit. Well, serves me right for buying 6 separate dime bags of weed on a Thursday afternoon in a high-school parking lot. F***ing teens.
Im gonna go huff spray paint in my garage and watch A Bugs Life, f*** it.
Pittsford, NY- Dan Lewis is getting really tired of his roommate never having rent on time or sometimes not at all. “You know like once in a while is cool, I’m a super chill guy and I really dont like harping on people, especially for money, but when he always shows up with bag after bag of weed, you start to wonder if he’s being sincere anymore. Also he totally never shares any of it.”
We reached out to Dan’s roommate Kyle to get his take on the situation.
” I really dont know what the big deal is, I thought we had an agreement that I would sleep on the couch and pay him rent when I could afford it, I mean everyone has their priorities and mine lies somewhere between the couch cushion and a bag of Doritos, I mean the way I look at it, is without pot I cant focus, if I cant focus on anything, how can I focus on getting a job, I cant focus on making money, or making that album that I’ve always…”
Kyle continued to ramble on, in what this editor can only recall as one of the dumbest rants he’s ever heard. Dan walked into the room at that moment and started yelling at Kyle about his money. Kyle persuaded to offer Dan a “Truce” joint in exchange for the harsh vibes to be turned down. Dan graciously accepted. We spoke with Dan after the incident.
” You know I guess he’s really not that bad of a guy honestly, sure he sucks at paying rent and never stops talking about the grateful dead, but there could be worse roommates and its totally super convenient that my drug dealer lives with me and it will make for some funny stories in the future when I’m a more responsible person.”
The Inner-loop’s editors in no way sponsor or condone the smoking of marijuana except on occasions that include the sun rising in the morning and if you have to breathe in oxygen on that day.