Greece, NY — In a startling turn of events, there were zero loud booms reported on any of the seven Greece centered Facebook groups this morning. According to page moderators of “Neighbors of Greece”, “Greece Uncut”, and “Greece Uncovered” there has been an eerie lull in posts about a random “boom” happening in an arbitrary part of town.

According to Mary Cassella, the moderator for Greece’s buy nothing page, every morning there is a report of a loud boom echoing through the town by at least 11 A.M. but absolutely nothing today. “Usually there are posts asking if there was a meteor strike, gunshots, small homegrown terrorist attack in the area… but it has been crickets today.”

Concerned neighbors did mention that there was a severe lack of missing cat posts, Ring camera images of random area black teenagers, and the use of the term “riffraff” across all Monroe County town pages this week.

Rochester, NY — During a press conference earlier this week, Waste Management’s CEO confessed that “he doesn’t really get why you guys want to throw all of this really nice garbage out to begin with.” This came after weeks of spotty and inconsistent rubbish removal services by Waste Management in Monroe County came under fire.

“Like this shit is good, like really good,” he explained to a room full of reporters when questioned why there has been such a sudden drop-off of service in the Rochester area. “I’m seeing people throwing out paper plates, tampons, empty peanut butter jars… like use your imagination once in your life and reuse some of this stuff… it doesn’t need to be thrown out!”

When asked for a comment, the CEO of RG&E said, “I’m glad to have the people of Rochester off my neck for even one minute right now.”

Irondequoit, NY — The West Irondequoit Central School District has decided to switch back to having a “racist mascot” after years of being known as “The West Irondequoit Eagles”.  The Eagles’ moniker was adopted in 2002 when the “Indians” mascot was retired for being too insensitive.

“We live in a different time, tastes change, and that woke bullshit doesn’t fly anymore,” explained school board member Julia Bryant. “If you can’t see that putting the eagle’s head on a big, fat sloppy Italian dude and tossing a rice hat on top is funny, you’re a straight-up pussy.”

 “Honestly, this is nothing like when we were The Indians back in the day…  we truly believed we were honoring that Native American Culture,” said Assistant Superintendent Brandon Geiger during a press conference.  “With our new Fat Ass Italian Rice Hat Eagle, it’s the exact opposite; we’re trying to fuck with all the woke libtards out there.”

In a press release, the Monroe County Italian-American League said they found the mascot to be “perfectly fine” and that it is “an honor that West Irondequoit is paying tribute to their beautiful culture”.

Greece, NY — Arcadia sophomore Chloe Fuller reportedly asked her father, “What a fucking ‘Wease’ was?” While traveling down 390 South over the weekend.  She had witnessed a worn-down bumper sticker on the back of a late 90s Camry featuring the term when she posed the question to her father, Matthew Fuller.

At press time, Matthew claimed that he “almost veered off the road” when he realized his daughter didn’t know who Wease was.  “I mean, she never heard of mother hucker, Booshy, or even the concept of the Vietnam War,” explained Matthew.  “I played 30 seconds of an old Wease clip, and she just kept on saying it sounded like ‘rocks grinding a squirrel to death'”.

According to recent social media posts, Chloe is now claiming that her father won’t stop talking about “Tommy” and “Bubba Dubba Cheeseburgers.”