Rochester, NY – Yesterday is a day that will live in infamy. At approximately 4:00 PM, German House forces drunkenly invaded the Polish American Club.

We could not reach the Polish American Club president, Stanislaw Patrikowski, for comment because he was too busy cooking pierogies. We at The Inner Loop, however, assume he is not cool with the goings-on.

The Inner Loop was able to sit down with German House owner, Hans Merkel, who said “Gugenheimen lasch jorgendoggen thock trachtenhorden!!!!!” which translates to “The Fourth Reich will take control of Rochester, and there is no better place to start with than with the PAC!!!!!”

Mayor Warren said she is planning an air strike on the German House for noon tomorrow, but is hoping that everyone will sober up and go home by then.