5 ways Having Macaulay Culkin Scream at your Nephew is Good for your Skin

Say adios to those old moisturizers, the hottest new skin care trend for this Spring is having troubled former child star Macaulay Culkin loudly scream into the face of your youngest nephew. Here are the top 5 reasons why this is the latest craze in skin care.

  1. The sound vibrations that reverberate off of the walls of your studio apartment as the once adorable star of Home Alone strikes fear into the heart of your small cherub like nephew will shake off all of that gross dead skin right off of your face, leaving nothing but a soft healthy layer of gentle to the touch skin. Wow!
  2. Watching the innocence be taken away from your poor little nephew right in front of your very eyes while Mac rips his soul apart with his terrifying screams should be enough to move you to tears as your nephew looks to you for help, but you know there is nothing you can do. Your tears are FULL of natural lubricating substances that will leave you with a healthy glow. Neato!
  3. After about 3 hours of nonstop wailing from Culkin you will be left feeling empty inside, the horrified look on your face will be now replaced with a vacant glazed over stare as you have now accepted that there may never be an end to the screams. This will help reduce those pesky “smile” lines on your face, as you will have by now lost the ability to feel joy. No more wrinkles for you! Huzzah!
  4. Please send help, he will not leave, I have forgotten what it is like to hear silence. There are only screams. There is only Macaulay. My nephew hasn’t moved in days. My skin looks amazing.
  5. Once you’ve accepted your fate and your new life as an empty shell of what once was a vibrant human with emotions and feeling that has been replaced with simple a body experiencing nothing but the sounds of what you know feel to be the wails of hell incarnate, you will no longer even care about what your skin looks like. You no longer associate yourself with your body or your skin. There is no you, there is no nephew, there is only Culkin. There is no escape. There is no hope. Just screams, the sound of bees buzzing as My Girl plays on infinite loop in the background. His glasses. He needs his glasses.

There you have it! Feel free to share this hip new trend with all your friends so you can all enjoy the Culkin treatment together.

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