ROCHESTER, NY – As Rochesterians prepare for the warm weather of spring to melt away the piles of snow littering the city Monroe County officials are suggesting that citizens take precautionary measures to combat the flooding that will ensue by suggesting that all residents lay a thick layer of potato home fries along the base of their basements to help soak up the excess water that might build up.

“As most Rochester residents know, nothing soaks up unwanted liquid like a heaping serving of home fries.”

Officials have warned against some residents who are insistent on filling their basements with half home fries and half-baked beans.

“Beans? That’s just ludicrous. I mean a nice serving of mac salad? Sure. A drizzling of ketchup and chopped onions for good measure? Of course, it can’t hurt, but we draw the line at beans and we will not be taking any more questions on the matter.”

said Mayor Evans, who we are told is looking into whether or not he can use the powers of his office to institute a state of emergency against baked bean supporters to make it legal for RPD to imprison them on sight.