Joywave’s Faucets Turn to Blood, Air Ducts Fill With Locusts as Pharaohs’ Curse Continues

Rochester, NY – By now you may have heard the story of Joywave’s drummer Paul Brenner receiving a package containing live scorpions but the Innerloop’s Music Correspondents have been informed the nightmare didn’t stop there.

According to reports, guitarist Joseph Morinelli was surprised this morning to find the water coming through his faucet was not water at all. It was blood.

It also appears lead singer Daniel Armbruster has also had issues at his apartment. RG&E was called to the premises this afternoon in response to a complaint that locusts were filling the building shortly after the heat kicked on.

After speaking to the band’s manager, it appears all of these problems started following Joywave’s trip to play a concert in Egypt. During a visit to a local museum, one of the members bumped into an ancient chest containing the remains of the priest Lufenamun. The canopic jars filled with the high priest’s mummified organs were cracked in the process and an old security guard in the museum could be heard yelling “the curse has been released” as he stormed out the building.

Thinking nothing of it, the band returned to the states and recorded their fourth album ‘Cleanse’ which is set for release on February 11th. The studio engineers say the music came together quickly for them, “almost as if they were possessed.” “We had to edit out a lot of mentions of sand and Nefertiti but it’s one of the best albums I’ve worked on,” said Greg Smorgen who produced the record.

After talking to a local Egyptian History expert, the running theory for all the danger Joywave has faced recently is that they’ve unlocked the five plagues of Sinai Desert on themselves when the mummified remains were disturbed. “They’ve had scorpions, blood, and locusts, so now all that’s left is the lesions on their skin and slumping album sales. That last one is because before becoming a priest, Lufenamun really tried to be a singer but was cast out when the Pharoah’s daughter said he sounded pitchy.”

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