South Wedge Resident Writes In “Soy Chai Latte” For Mayor, Rides Away On Unicycle 

Rochester, NY – Malik Evans ran unopposed in today’s election, but not all city residents are ready to accept him as the new Mayor. One of those residents is Blaine Davenport of the South Wedge.

“I was super bummed that Howie Hawkins wasn’t running this year,” said Davenport, before taking a long drag of his Signal Cigarette. “I’m not prepared to let a fascist white supremacist like Malik Evans just take over the city without putting up a fight, so I wrote in “Soy Chai Latte.” I know it’s a long shot, but I’m not a conformist just because I’m a suburban-born white kid. F*ck white people, bro. ACAB.”

At press time, Davenport is oiling the chain on his unicycle, or something weird like that.

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