Man Who Never Went To Fuego Will Continue To Not Go

Rochester, NY – Fuego Coffee Roasters recently announced that they will no longer be offering free coffee to members of the Rochester Police Department, and instead will be extending the offer to Rochester City School District teachers. The shift in policy did not sit well with some, including Penfield resident, Tom Haskins.

“Who do they think they are?” Haskins asked an Inner Loop reporter. “The RPD keeps Rochester streets clean and safe. They’re the reason that crime is so rare in the city. Teachers suck. How many people has the RCSD arrested? None. That’s how many. I will no longer be frequenting Fuego.”

When asked if he’s ever been to Fuego, Haskins replied “No, but there’s a first time for everything. If they continued to accommodate our boys in blue, I would have totally gone, like tomorrow. Not anymore, though.”

At press time, Haskins is drinking a steamy cup of Starbucks coffee. According to Haskins, “It tastes like toilet water, but at least they lick boots… I mean, respect the police, like me.”

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