Doctors Recommend “Plate Breath” as Cheap Alternative to Birth Control

Rochester, NY – Local physicians have found a form of birth control that is 100% effective and costs significantly less than prescription pills. This medical phenomenon is known as Onionosis Meatisauceus but is better known by its nickname “Plate Breath.”

“In our experiments, we’ve given female rats a small garbage plate loaded with onion and hot sauce and noticed that no male rats wanted to get anywhere near them,” said Dr. Docktear.

The physicians hope to partner with a local hots restaurant to create a plate capsule soon that can be taken daily. Until then researchers say to continue drinking heavily and eating like a slob if your health insurance does not cover other forms of birth control.

For those using the traditional Plate Method of birth control, by eating a plate everyday, local physicians would like to remind you that “in a pinch, you can use the bag the Italian bread comes in as a condom.”

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