Rochester, NY – Local doctors warn that if you ever had a birthday party at Discovery Zone as a child you may be at risk of being way too f***ing cool.

Doctor Sandy Goopi has been conducting research on Rochesterians who drive like douchebags on 490 and noticed that they all had one thing in common. Their parents rented out Discovery Zone for them to have a birthday party when they were a child.

“We have noticed an adverse effect in adults that had Discovery Zone birthday parties. Their confidence levels are nearly the same as our Presidents. It’s too damn high!”