Monroe County, NY – Monroe County Executive Cheryl Dinolfo issued a State of Emergency for Monroe County amid rising water levels in Lake Ontario, because of your mom. Early reports indicate that your engorged mother decided to take a swim in the lake causing water levels to rise and destroy property on the county shoreline.

According to the Archimedes Principle, the amount of fluid displaced is directly related to the volume of the object. The object, your fat shit mom, has displaced so much of Lake Ontario’s fluid that area shorelines are being absolutely decimated.

“It’s just unfortunate that she had to do this again”, says Linda Fletcher, a property owner on Lake Ontario. “I saw her on the horizon”, explained Fletcher, “Initially I thought it was a barge or a large shipping vessel, but no… it was your huge mom… destroying our lake again.”