ROCHESTER, NY – For the first time in 11 years, Tiger Woods is a major champion and people all across the country are thrilled to see him back on top.

Some of his biggest fans reside on the corner of Lyell Avenue in the heart of Rochester who has provided him “services” over the years.

“The last time we saw Tiger he was asking me if I would fart in his mouth for $350. Such a generous guy, always tipped his cap to us after he came on three of us simultaneously while wearing his Sunday red polo”

“It’s just good to see him come back from all the infidelities, prescription pills, and general self-destructive behaviors that were necessary to bring him to orgasm after achieving so much success.”