Pres. Trump Considers Witch Doctor That Created Jeff Sessions As First Supreme Court Replacement Pick

President Donald Trump has spoken to his cabinet members to brainstorm ideas for candidates to  replace Supreme Court Justice Anthony M. Kennedy. The first and foremost name that the president is pursuing is the very same Witch Doctor that created Jeff Sessions. It’s truly an honorable mention for the malevolent forest demon to receive.

We are all familiar with this humble story. Boy meets scary elf on the shelf doll in the center of a landfill in southern Alabama. Boy endows doll with decades of racist, oppressive bigotry and the type of antiquated prejudice that would make Jim Crow uneasy. Boy casts a spell for the doll to become sentient, doll goes on to become Attorney General of the Trump administration. Now, that little garbage boy is going to have his shot at the big leagues. With the announcement of Anthony Kennedy’s retirement, there’s no telling what devastation and regression Jeff Sessions can do in the court of human civil rights with the help of his very on Supreme Master sitting on the court bench.

President Trump is set to make the announcement in Missoula Montana at his next campaign rally. Among a sea of people that happen to empathize with the hardships that straight white men have been put through in recent years, and all believe that straight white men just deserve just a few more rights than everyone else has.

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